Originally published in Climate, Psychology and Change.
I was asked to write about racism in communities – It makes sense to write solutions and advice using bullet points. However I will write as it comes to me and I want to emphasise that I also include educational institutes, environmental organisations and social movements of Europe and individuals, since people create and form part of these spaces. We marginalised people call these movements – white spaces. A white space is any space that has a majority of white people.
I will sometimes use the word marginalised people instead of BIPOC (Black Indigenous and People of Colour) since it does not translate well to Catala or Spanish.
Using the word racialised people continues the perpetuation of racism – it implies whiteness is not a race.
Even though race is not biologically real – as a human species we are where we are, hypnotised by the illusion of separation.
I was also asked to write about UBUNTU.
Note: For me to be able to do this, to be able to write these words, I had to go to therapy to process my trauma, grief, fear and anger. I had to process the joy my culture of Ubuntu provides for me and the need to preserve it and no longer wishing to share it with white body people, who tend to feel entitled – usually demonizing what they fear and packaging the knowledge they enjoy in forms of cultural appropriation for their own spiritual gain to fill a void, and for economical gain without giving back to the original communities of where the knowledge comes from . I had to process historical fear and grief. I continue to process the trauma I have experienced in my adult life within white spaces and the European borders, and the violence I still continue to experience. YES, white supremacy and patriarchy produces violence whether conscious or unconscious – this is the burden we have to carry – the WORK we need to commit ourselves to. The WORK of healing the collective trauma of “othering” – this is intergenerational work.
I also had fear that my words would get lost in translation to a language I do not understand, in this case Catala.
……………………………………………………..………………Deep breath……………………………………………………..………………
I will write as it comes from my gut most importantly as my heart tells me to. I will not follow any structure of colonial thinking.
In saying that, I have no wish to write everything here, some details I will leave for the future.
I might also be borrowing words from others.
……………………………………………………..………………Deep breath……………………………………………………..………………
A white woman teacher – In order to honour my name I will not mention hers. I was 14 years old and she asked me for my name. I told her that my name is NONTOKOZO, and she responded by telling me that my name was too difficult to pronounce. “From today we call you Nonty like Monty only with an N”. Our names tell a story, sometimes shape our life`s purpose. This is not my story but a story of many of us Black, Indigenous and Brown children who were exposed to such treatment in the name of having a “better education”. In this time in South Africa to have access to such education was seen as a privilege, and or class status, to be exposed to whiteness meant we were closer to supremacy therefore worthy as human beings and had a chance to a secure future. I had been to “white schools” before but this one was different. It was not a white private school, it was an old white government school, which means it previously fell under the apartheid government ( it is a complex history, that I am not willing to get to explaining at this moment). This is where I was fully initiated and learned to leave my blackness behind when I enter white spaces (a white space, is any space that is white majority). This is where it was again fully confirmed that my blackness is not human, that I will constantly have to give up parts of myself, including maybe one day peel of my very bronze-coffee cream like skin, pull my curly woollen hair off in order to appear pleasing to the colonised, white supremacy, patriarchal, capitalist world. I had to give up my name.
Our names have meaning, taking my name was taking away my story, the story of my ancestors, the story of my community.
I come from a community that practises the philosophy of UBUNTU.
The philosophy of Ubuntu derives from a Nguni word, ubuntu meaning “the quality of being human.” Ubuntu manifests itself through various human acts, clearly visible in social, political, and economic situations, as well as among community/family. It runs through the veins of all Africans, and is embodied in the often repeated saying: “umuntu ngumuntu ngabanye abantu” (“A person is a person through other people”). Ubuntu can be seen and felt in the spirit of willing participation, cooperation, co-creation, warmth, openness, and personal dignity demonstrated by the indigenous black people. Like every black child I was raised with this philosophy, the qualities of ubuntu were imprinted in my soul not only by my grandparents who raised me but by the whole community, so by the time I reached adulthood, the ubuntu philosophy had become a way of being.
Ubuntu governs ritual and ceremonies and it creates a container of purpose in one’s life in relation to community, the earth and everything living, including the past Ancestors and future Ancestors.
I believe UBUNTU is central to the survival of our human race and reconnecting with mother earth. For now I will not share more.
…………………. These dots symbolise my unspoken words, my ancestors’ unspoken words, my need to take a deep breath and practise deep silence.
The invitation is for you to embark on a journey to discover more about UBUNTU in your own way, if you feel called to it.
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Years later, now living in Europe, I was to give up my spirituality, my fire. My soul was to be almost tinted with darkness of once again uncomprehended grief. As if my Ancestors have not made enough sacrifices.
I had worked so hard to get rid of my whiteness that was forced on me by the school system, I had embraced my calling as a leader in my community – what in the west is called a shaman (this word has no meaning to me). Even though the wounds of internalised oppression will remain with me until the end of my days, I had surrendered to my blackness and to mother earth herself. I had surrendered fully to the wisdom of my ancestors.
Here (Europe) white people loved me for my ceremonies (of course only if I did them the way it was pleasing to them) however they did not want to hear what my ancestors had to go through to preserve the knowledge. The torture they endured, the killings, the oppression and dehumanising laws of the system of apartheid. These laws are the laws of collapse – the deliberate intention to collapse Indigenous, Black and Brown people since it was decided we have no souls, further imposed by the papal bull issued in 1493 used to justify colonisation of Indigenous land, extraction of resources and genocide in order to develop the so called “first world”.
For now when I say Here, I mean Europe, intentional communities, including institutes, social movements and environmental organisations, the behaviour is the same – white body people behave the same everywhere – white bodied people carry white supremacy in them, it is embodied in the core of their bones, white supremacy is in the very air we breathe.
You are probably thinking – “how dare she generalise!” “I am not like other white people!”—————————————–I invite you to take a moment, close your eyes and breathe with me!
White supremacy is the mother and father of racism, colonisation being the parents of all the violence.
White progressives and activists cause the most daily damage to BIPOC.
Why? For many reasons, one being the belief that “we are the good white people, the fascist and the right wing are the bad ones’” “We live in an intentional community, we design alternative education, we shit in the compost toilets and we are vegan, we are the change makers’ . Or “I have a project in Africa or Colombia”. “My partner is BIPOC”. The four most damning comments – “I work with immigrants’ ‘ – “I believe we are all equal” – “I do not see colour” – “I am an ally”. I will not begin to unfold the problem with white feminist movements – it will require a lot of labour from me.
Racism behaviour has nothing to do with being a good or bad person – it’s an Embodied Experience! Just like men embody patriarchy.
The above quotes are evidence of how some intentional communities and social movements or institutions may tend to believe since they are working against the mainstream, fighting the existing systems of oppression by creating alternative ways of being and living, that they are already free from systemic behaviour and influence.
Because of this behaviour it makes it difficult to receive feedback when covert racism occurs especially in a form of microaggressions. Defensiveness and entitlement to comfort makes it virtually impossible to explain to white bodies about their racist behaviour.
White supremacy culture creates entitlement to comfort, pleasure and joy, nevermind if it is at the expense of the marginalised groups. I am not saying white bodies have no right to the above experiences – however it is important to ask, at whose expense?
It is important to know that marginalised people live in the margins therefore they are always experiencing discomfort, which creates mental illness and disease.
I was once asked by a manager of a certain alternative community organisation that I worked for – “why you just don’t leave, since no one wants you here” – “no one” was white management and white leadership.
At that moment she felt she was doing me a favour by sharing this with me, she felt sorry for me. She herself did not see herself as part of the problem, she was clueless about her whiteness (I believe she still is.) There were only two people of colour in that working space, the other was a brown man. Because I was vocal about the racism I was seeing and experiencing and the lack of understanding of how this organisation was merely repeating patterns of violence, through interpersonal behaviour and systematically, I was seen as the trouble maker, the angry black woman who did not know how to do her job properly, especially in the temporary leadership position I was in. I was bullied and it made it difficult for me to enjoy my job and my home, since I was also living there. Character assassination and gaslighting became part of my everyday experience. A LOT HAPPENED in between, before and after this experience.
……………………………I am still healing…………take a moment. breath with me………………………………………….
Today – I support the same organisation as a consultant – No! I do not get paid close to enough, however I believe and choose this responsibility to create a path of healing for future generations. It can also be complex as marginalised people have a history of self sacrifice. I no longer live in community nor do I get too involved with social movements. I am safe in the margins as a consultant.
See diagram below from coco-net.org (this diagram was produced from extensive research)
What is the WORK?
I find Spanish activists tricky – they openly say – “I know I am white and racist”. They sound advanced since, in some parts of Europe I do not hear white activists openly saying this. They tend to believe confessing out loud is the WORK –
No it is not!
And I am NOT impressed!!!
I can not explain everything here, which is frustrating a little since I am an educator and I love to share knowledge in detail. I find joy in speaking, however writing is a challenge, and also for this project I can only write a few words.
……….lets breath…………………………………………………
I cannot emphasise enough the importance of when a community or an organisation starts to take the journey of diversity to go out and ask for support in forms of consultancy and trainings. Not to just invite marginalised people to join the community or organisation when the basic WORK is not yet done.
The WORK is continuous and it never ends. White body people need to be putting energy in engaging in ongoing self-awareness, continuing sustained education, relationship building, actual anti-racist practices and humility. It is the responsibility of white bodied people to end white supremacy. We are working with generational trauma and old belief systems, therefore it is a lifetime journey.
You might have 1 or 2 marginalised people in your community or organisation who are always “smiling” and telling you – you are great and they are not experiencing racism or bias from you or the organisation. It is your responsibility to invest in doing the WORK not relying on what the “other” marginalised person’s experience is, as we are also diverse in our background of experiencing racism, understanding oppressions and have different capabilities of speaking out our truth.
What is NOT THE WORK?
Doing a 4 hour anti-racism training for your team once a year or having marginalised people in your community and organisation. Reading a few books on this topic.
THE WORK is not you being married to a Latinx or Black immigrant!
What could affect the work negatively?
What could affect the work negatively? Many factors. Here I will just mention a few – some of your members, staff or leaders in your organisation might not be ready to do the WORK. They might fight you, leave or just make things uncomfortable.
This WORK can not be done without clear leadership agreement and commitment. Your vision and mission statements need to truly reflect your behaviour and values. Usually they are just words used to look good on a website or to be seen as trendy and cool. Your policies can only be created when enough WORK has been done, when there’s equity and inclusion in your community or organisation (note: not equality but equity).
For now this is where I end.
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To the white body person, my prayer is after reading this you dive into self-inquiry – do more research and educate yourself. Do not forget to breathe.….it helps with the discomfort. In the beginning of your journey with this WORK, if you are not uncomfortable, you are NOT engaging with the WORK effectively.
To the marginalised person – I wish you healing, community, joy and rest because you deserve it, your mind and body deserves it.
YOU BELONG!…close your eyes, hug yourself, take a deep breathe……… and repeat after me –
“THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!” “THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ME!”
You are not crazy, there is nothing wrong with you. Your experiences and emotions are real and valid.
Oh! One last thing – the stress from lack of access and everyday experiences of overt and covert racism and microaggression (that are not so micro) makes showing up and being active in community or white spaces difficult. We have to spend our energy coping, we use our energy to survive. When we use all our energy to survive white spaces, we have less energy to do the things we want to do, we tend to show only a part of ourselves or just not show up at all. This is sometimes interpreted as laziness or lack of interest, in fact it could be depression and plain exhaustion. As a friend will say “white people are exhausting”. White supremacy, colonial, patriarchal, capitalist culture creates burnout and fatigue.
The more I heal, in order to preserve my mental wellbeing the more my circles of white spaces become smaller and smaller.
Deep breath in…………………………………………………………. UBUNTU – I wish you well……………………………………………………..……………Deep breath out.
An advocate for climate and social justice, community living and North-South healing and reconciliation, utilising the principles of UBUNTU, Nontokozo works with international organisations to develop ways of dismantling systems of oppression, decolonising and healing. She coaches individuals on their leadership skills and holds space for inner processes. She has experience in different collaborative methodologies in facilitation, project and group dynamics. Currently involved in various organisations in Europe that promote sustainable and regenerative ways of living. And she has contributed to different book projects about climate psychology and community.
You can learn more and hire Nontokozo for coaching and training through her website: nontokozosabic.com
