The three phases of the Transformative Solidarity process: Awareness, Action, and Integration are our map.
The Five Guiding Principles are what support and hold us as we navigate that map.
Without the Five Guiding Principles, I believe, we will continue to stumble in repeated patterns and maintain these systems of privilege and oppression.
Honesty
I begin with Honesty because it is the touchstone for my process with Transformative Solidarity and turning privilege into change and also how I choose to show up in life. You might find that a different one resonates more for your touchstone.
So Honesty, Honsety is not about right or wrong. It’s not just about what’s true or what happened. Honesty resides in the space between right and wrong. The insides what’s true. It is about the insides of what happened. It’s about our histories, our triggers, our expectations. It is our joys, fears, struggles, and confusions. To be honest is to sit in the awkward and uncomfortable moments of ourselves, of others, and of this work.
What I love about honesty, and one reason why it’s my touchstone, is that it offers us the opportunity to set down judgement. And when I speak about judgment I mean allllll judgement. Not just the negative but also the positive. Because honesty opens up space for an experience to just be. Allows our emotions to just be. Allows us to just be.
Honesty can, and often does, help us understand what’s working or not working about a situation, a relationship, a friendship, a job, an experience. Honesty can help us move from a place of stuck-ness to a place of movement.
This isn’t necessarily easy, not at first anyway. And the other four guiding principles support us in the space of honesty. Because honesty on its own can be overwhelming, it can be ridiculously liberating, and equally painful. And to be fair, Honesty is not something Western culture teaches us. And by Western culture I mean white supremacy culture.
Grace
Grace is meeting ourselves where we are, honoring who we’ve been, and looking forward to who we can become.
It is also about meeting others where they are, holding space for their histories, and for the possibility of who they can become.
To sit in the awkward and uncomfortable parts of honesty requires finding Grace.
Grace is the space we come to when the honesty between right and wrong becomes triggering or unpleasant. It embraces the complexities of the human experience.
Grace is about supporting our process of understanding as we challenge ourselves and the systems around us.
So sometimes folks will question that Grace is about letting someone off the hook, or ourselves, or not holding someone accountable.
And it’s not that. Grace is actually about creating space to be with accountability. Which can sometimes (or more than sometimes) feel uncomfortable, challenging, and well a bit icky.
Grace is something I sometimes still struggle with, more for myself than with others. I struggle with meeting myself where I am sometimes, because by golly do I want to be where I’m going. But, when we are able to find grace for ourselves, for others, we open space for patience, possibility for connection, engagement, growth, becoming, and sometimes even magic.
Vulnerability
Honesty and Grace allow us to set down the judgement of ourselves and others. And without judgement we can lean into vulnerability.
Vulnerability is to open space, free of judgement, for possibility and growth.
Vulnerability is how we invite others in, how we invite ourselves in. The scary thing about vulnerability is the risk involved. And most of us know that vulnerability is to risk harm, shame, humiliation, embarrassment, and whole bunch of other painful emotions.
Turns out though, vulnerability is also a risk of joy, connection, friendship, intimacy, love.
To be vulnerable is to lean into that risk.
I don’t believe there’s enough vulnerability in this world. I think we have a lot of performative vulnerability. But not vulnerability based in honesty and grace.
The thing about vulnerability is that not everyone has the privilege and safety to be vulnerable.
Which is a reason why Transformative Solidarity is so important.
Vulnerability in Transformative Solidarity requires those of us with privilege to engage the feelings of shame, guilt, and superiority that often come up when we engage honesty and grace.
We acknowledge these feelings when they come up, we say hello, we give them space to be. We ask, what’s honest about these feelings? What’s honest about how I want to respond or react to these feelings?
And as we experience that honesty, we will sometimes experience ourselves differently than how we believe we are. Which is when we reconnect with grace and allow that to guide us into holding space for vulnerability, or the feelings that arise.
Vulnerability with honesty and grace offers us an opportunity to challenge, grow, and become the version of ourselves we believe that we are or whom we wish to be.
Witness
To witness is to engage, to be with and within the experience. To be part of the transformation.
So for many of us, facing our privileges or facing the parts of ourselves we want to change or the parts that have caused harm is an incredibly private process. But Transformative Solidarity doesn’t happen when we are alone and sharing with no one else. Yes, much happens in these private spaces, absolutely. But to practice Transformative solidarity one must, well, come out and be witnessed.
Witness facilitates the movement from private to public. Witness asks us to expose and open ourselves to vulnerability with others. and with ourselves.
To witness is to engage. It is not about seeing or listening. It is to be with and within the experience. To be part of the transformation.
Witness is what supports our process of finding grace and being with our vulnerability. To find grace we must witness our past, current, and the future selves we are becoming or wanting to become. Witness is what allows us to connect with the moments when our judgement is blocking our vulnerability.
To witness is to hold space for both the feeling of the moment and the curiosity of the moment.
Commitment
To commit is to make a choice. To make a choice is to have agency. Commitment is agency.
Commitment encourages our growth and possibility. It requires honesty in those moments when our Awareness shifts, grace for ourselves and in process, and the vulnerability to be witnessed and to witness. Commitment is agency, it is volition, it is choice.
Many of us commit to things like allyship or solidarity or helping a friend, because we think we are supposed to.
Or because those around us say it’s the right thing to do,
or because we want to be seen as an ally, or a good person and not “one of them”.
And often those of us who commit for these reasons are the same ones who repeat and maintain the systems of privilege and oppression? Why?
Because when our commitment is based on the perception of us, any challenge toward our choice of allyship, or challenge to our privilege, or call-out for causing harm, even though our intentions were good, will inevitably feel like an attack.
This is what has been called performative allyship.
So, to commit is to make a choice. To make a choice is to have agency. Commitment is agency.
If we don’t move into commitment with agency we will struggle to be in honesty, to find grace, experience vulnerability, and I believe we will remain fearful of being witnessed.
I have a few questions for you:
I invite you to follow those questions and see where they lead and in the next video I’ll share a short story about my process with commitment.
All offerings are available virtually and in-person. Workshops and programs follow the Transformative Solidarity (TS) process.
Click below to learn more about each offering
These workshops are for those interested in learning a different way to address privilege and create systemic change.
We currently offer TPIC workshops on anti-racism and trans and nonbinary active-allyship.
We offer one-on-one and group coaching depending on your needs. We are available for private, corporate, and nonprofit consultations. Contact us to schedule your free first 30 minute call.
We utilize the Transformative Solidarity Model to guide you through any changes you are working toward.
All offerings are available virtually and in-person. Workshops and programs follow the Transformative Solidarity (TS) Model.
Click below to learn more about each offering
These workshops are for those interested in learning a different way to address privilege and create systemic change.
We currently offer TPIC workshops on anti-racism and trans and nonbinary active-allyship.
Our CE Courses are available for licensed mental health service providers in California working with trans and nonbinary clients.
This CE course invites participants to expand their understanding of Trans & Nonbinary identities and develop skills for therapeutic work.
Our Transformative Solidarity Long-Term Programs are designed with sustainability at their core. Each program is customized based on the needs of your organization, company, or group.
We want you to feel empowered and able to continue the work long after our time together.
ProWe offer one-on-one and group coaching depending on your needs. We are available for private, corporate, and nonprofit consultations. Contact us to schedule your free first 30 minute call.
We utilize the Transformative Solidarity Process to guide you through any changes you are working toward.