The questions below were asked during our 2020 online workshops: Turning White Privilege Into Change. The hope is this offers support, guidance, clarity, a reorientation, inspiration, or anything else you might need as you continue this work.
We can’t do this work in a vacuum. Who can support you or read these with you? Connect back with us for more workshops and practice opportunities.
With this question it’s most important to get cozy in awareness. You’ll step into and out of action as well – but mostly you’re going to want to build a strong and comfy spot in awareness, specifically self-awareness.
It might look like this:
Self-Awareness – All my friends are white.
And then return to the five tenets.
Honesty: Why? What are my implicit biases? What am I feeling? What do I feel? What do I feel when I imagine making friends with people of color? What have I done to try and make friends? Why do I want to make friends who are POC or Black? What are my feelings about my current friend group? Where does that come from?
Grace: Where am I right now? Can I meet myself in honesty? Can I meet myself in all the feelings that are coming up?
Vulnerability: Embrace it. Can I be vulnerable with myself?
Witness: Am I willing to step into engagement and see and be with myself and others in this process?
Commitment: Am I asking this question because I know it’s a good question to ask OR am I committed to doing the work, whatever that may look like for me?
This is just one suggestion for how it might go to answer this question. But there are many layers and for each person there are as many routes.
I think this one lies in the subtleties. This is where witnessing others and grace seem to step in front. Who is the person in front of you (witnessing the other and witnessing yourself)? Can you meet them where they? (grace) Who are you in the context of this relationship (witnessing/self-awareness) and can you meet yourself where you are (grace)? Can those two meet each other?
Because it matters who’s in front of you. It matters who you are in the context of that person or people. This is how we learn the way to approach and/or engage someone. We meet them where they are.
How did you move from not involved to involved? Sorta-caring to totally caring? Most of us didn’t begin without moving from one to the other.
While doing the work here’s some starting points:
Engaging white peers begins with and includes – a willingness and commitment to challenging racist jokes or comments. What changes will you make to commit to the work and turning privilege into change that says to others, come with me?
To do this work well you have to engage the work with/on your self.
Why do you care to engage with your white peers?
And sometimes when we explore honesty, we find that we are not the one who should engage someone, for many various reasons. Which is why we need so many of us doing this work. Because for all those you can’t or struggle working with, someone else will shine. For more on this see the next question.
It’s not something any one person can do. Presumed majority sets the rules and traditions – we are trying for an actual majority. So, spending all our resources on those that maybe don’t actually want to learn something but who are quite comfortable where they are – we miss out on all the others who are interested in being part of systemic change. A great tool to help determine and think through this is the Spectrum of Allies. I think we focus on those that are between neutral to active-allies. As we become stronger and more confident in this work we can begin . Also it’s important to acknowledge that there are certain people you will struggle with reaching. and that’s okay. The more of us doing the work the more opportunities and possibilities of engaging others.
The way I think about this is imagine your fist – or hold your fist in front of you. Your fist represents all those with power and who want to hold on to it. Who’s only goal is to distract you and take your time and energy and resources. My thoughts are, why? Why give so much? When they and you are surrounded by those that care. The more of those outside the fist we inspire and empower to turn privilege into change – the smaller the group of those that would rather distract.
For some – very slowly.
Remember what it was like when you were first learning, the parts that you didn’t want to believe or struggles you had believing it was real. Honesty, Grace, Vulnerability, Witness, Commitment.
If you feel like you are taking up space you are probably taking up space. It happens. First note: when in spaces that are not of your community – your only role is to listen and follow. Listen and follow. That’s it. So, if you are in POC or Black spaces and you are showing up as an ally – listen and follow. Offer your resources and skills. You don’t need to offer ideas, or suggestions, or solutions, you can just offer resources and skills. The simplest way to not take up space is to not take up space. And it can be hard for some.
There are so many reasons we want to say something, to speak up, to offer a thought, to be involved, to feel like we are part of the conversation.
What will help you as you move through Awareness and Action is to engage a few or all of the Five Guiding Principles.
Step 1- Honesty: What is my motivation? Why am I there to help? What brought me to help? What feeling does helping evoke? What does it mean to help? What am I looking for by helping?
Grace: Can I meet myself where I am? Am I able to be in the honesty of where I am without judgment: good or bad? Can I meet myself in honesty? Can I hold myself where I am?
Vulnerability: Am I willing to feel what might come up for me? Am I willing to work through those feelings?
Witness: Am I willing to step into engagement and see and be with myself? Am I willing to seek help and support?
Commitment: Am I committed to addressing and doing the work, whatever that may look like for me? To do the work around taking up space as a white person?
A couple things could be happening here. 1) the comment of “I can’t be racist I’m _______ , 2) the challenge of bringing in the conversation about race when there is already so much work to be done. Such as, “it’s not about race!” Which can often mean “I’m already so full with working on these other oppressions, I don’t have space to work on this too” or something like that. There are multiple ways to work these situations. Part of it is remembering the fist metaphor in question three. Some folks are just not going to be at all interested in changing or challenging their white privilege. So, focus on others in the community you can shift.
Again, the Spectrum of Allies could be quite useful here. Build that coalition of people so that that majority shifts and creates that systemic change. e.g. white people confronting privilege becomes the majority. A change in language, a change in behavior. Depending on what makes sense for you – at some point you’ll need to bring in the conversation around how different forms of oppressions intersect and how that impacts people differently. e.g. a black, indigenous, or person of color who is disabled is likely to experience a different form of oppression than a white disabled person. Part of the work is learning how to have this conversation and help educate others.
A couple things could be happening here. 1) the comment of “I can’t be racist I’m _______ , 2) the challenge of bringing in the conversation about race when there is already so much work to be done. Such as, “it’s not about race!” Which can often mean “I’m already so full with working on these other oppressions, I don’t have space to work on this too” or something like that. There are multiple ways to work these situations. Part of it is remembering the fist metaphor in question three. Some folks are just not going to be at all interested in changing or challenging their white privilege. So, focus on others in the community you can shift. Again, the Spectrum of Allies could be quite useful here. Build that coalition of people so that that majority shifts and creates that systemic change. e.g. white people confronting privilege becomes the majority. A change in language, a change in behavior. Depending on what makes sense for you – at some point you’ll need to bring in the conversation around how different forms of oppressions intersect and how that impacts people differently. e.g. a black, indigenous, or person of color who is disabled is likely to experience a different form of oppression than a white disabled person. Part of the work is learning how to have this conversation and help educate others.
